I heard this in audio form, probably on a cassette or maybe CD, borrowed from a public library in England in the early noughties (2001-2006). I don't know how old it was, or whether or not it was an audio adaptation of a published novel. Essentially it was a version of the Iliad (I don't think it also included the Odyssey, but I'm not certain) retold for a younger modern audience.
- It began with Odysseus as a young boy being attacked by a wild boar and rescued by his grandfather, who'd left the court after behaviour "not fitting for a member of the royal family, eh?" (I remember this phrase), and who teaches the young Odysseus the value of cunning.
- Later on, a huge crowd of princes are pressed together for some occasion - possibly the wedding of Helen and Menelaus, or a competition for Helen's hand? Odysseus is too small to push his way to the front, but he tricks Big Ajax into going somewhere else so that he can take his place. When Big Ajax realises he's been tricked, a fight breaks out. Agamemnon breaks it up and shouts that "this isn't a football match".
- When Odysseus pretends to be mad in order not to have to join the Trojan War, he shouts "Plough the field! Plough the field! Plough the field!" and "Sow the seed! Sow the seed! Sow the seed!" These lines I remember very clearly.
- During the voyage to Troy, Philoctetes is showing off his archery skill, shooting burning arrows off the ship and shouting things like, "This one's for Hector! This one's for Paris! This one's for - AAAARGH!" as he shoots the arrow into his foot. "Who's AAAARGH?" someone else inquires. "Odysseus jogged me!" Philoctetes yells. Later, when the smell of his gangrenous foot becomes unbearable, Odysseus is the one who tricks him into being stranded on Lemnos ("Oh, Lemnos! I thought it was Limnos! My mistake.")
I hope these details, and the specific quotes, will be enough for someone to identify this among the many Iliad retellings that have been published in the last few thousand years.