I would like to know what "you can’t possibly have gone through life as carelessly as you made out" means in the following sentences:
I stood in the silent stairwell and felt terror travel from my navel, tying my throat, pinching my eyes. Tears started to slide down my cheeks like melted butter. For a long time I felt nothing but their heat.
Did you ever have someone like that, someone that you loved in vain when you were younger? Did you ever feel something like my shame? I always assumed that you must have, that you can’t possibly have gone through life as carelessly as you made out. But now I begin to think that not everyone suffers in the same way; that not everyone, in fact, suffers. Not from the same things, at any rate. And in a way this is what made us possible, you and me.
In this novel which is set in the 1980's in Poland under the socialist regime, where homosexuality was socially unacceptable, the protagonist Ludwik (a university graduate) left Poland in 1981 to live in the United States of America. And he remembers what it was like back then in Poland, where he used to hang out with his friends including his first love Beniek in his hometown of Wrocław when he was nine years old. But Beniek suddenly left Poland to Israel, so Ludwik stood at the staircase of Beniek's house crying, mourning his lost first love. And looking back, Ludwik was assuming that Janusz, his ex-boyfriend, would have experienced the vain love as he had.
In this part, I wonder what he means. Does it mean that it was not possible that Janusz had lived throughout his whole life in a careless manner, as he had been living? I am confused as to the meaning of "go through life" and "made out" especially.
I am an English learner from South Korea. I would very much appreciate your help. :)